Cardiff International Airport

Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Aisle one for Alicante and Malaga – please ensure fake tan is freshly applied, Hawaiian shirts are on display and flip-flops placed over socks. Aisle two please for the stag do – Ireland or Amsterdam? Check in now with smutty comments to the stewards please. Passengers to Barcelona and Geneva can ignore everyone at aisle three and await complimentary Champagne. The young traveller at aisle four, your flight to Gdansk is awaiting a pilot who knows where that is. Have a safe journey.

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